wannabepoet's Blog
Posts: 366
Member of: Poetry Forums @.
A very thoughtfully written poem! I like the way you don’t give title to this poem to get your message across, and it works. Your voice can be heard with the clarity of the sound of a bell!
You are so right, a title or name is like a shelter, like a protective roof over our heads, I hope I am getting your poem right. But it’s true that relationships do need a name, because however big hearted one might be, that’s one security blanket most people can’t do without, irrespective of their gender. One needs to tell the world who one is in relation to the person one has affection for, and without a designation one just doesn’t know where one stands --- it can be inexpressibly painful.
And you have conveyed it all so well in your poem.
I like all the lines, but these two really grabbed my attention: ‘But since it doesn’t exist, my feelings I have to contain. Because I don’t want to appear too forward or perhaps, insane.’
I find them full of pathos and strangely quite funny too. Lack of name creates this lack of trust, and one doesn’t know how the other person will react to the outpouring of one’s feelings. One risks appearing desperate and losing respect. Bitter irony is that feelings just happen, irrespective of whether there’s a title or not.
- from the topic: "---------------------"
Re: O
November 25, 2009 by wannabepoet
rio11, everyone is giving you so much attention, because they all want you to scintillate us with your razzle- dazzle ‘scienpoetry’ more often. Anyway, people who visit less often, and whose poems too happen to be good are showered with tons of attention --- that’s how things are. Btw, 'scienpoetologist' is really funny, r u always this witty or does this forum bring this out in you. The quote by Jiddu Krishnamurti gives me a lot to chew on, but I don’t totally agree with it. We can pick and choose what we want to remember about yesterday, but how can we totally disregard yesterday, for we wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for yesterday. There can never be total freedom --- well, perhaps, I am talking through my dunce cap --- but it all depends. When one loves one is not free --- love creates a bond --- a bondage if you must.
Re: not glib…
November 25, 2009 by wannabepoet
Remember tube-lights --- the grey lights that blinked a few times before switching on.
Re: O
November 25, 2009 by wannabepoet
It seems to me that the word “free” is being mentioned a lot by the poets --- cindy edwards, and now rio11. Kind of reminds me of a song by Queen. i wonder who actually enjoys this elusive freedom...
Re: O
November 24, 2009 by wannabepoet
it's little mysterious. i like this line 'merely invisible strings
pinning wings.'
there's always a touch of a little science in your poems, r u a scientist-poet?
Re: Parade
November 21, 2009 by wannabepoet
Thanks for your explanation --- i think i understand what you are saying, it is really a very nice poem!
Re: Horizon
November 21, 2009 by wannabepoet
Thanks a lot Artisanne, please don’t hesitate to give your suggestions, I appreciate them all. I kind of agree and disagree with you and Chicory on the third line, perhaps it is extra but in my opinion it is essential.
Re: no definition
November 21, 2009 by wannabepoet
Thanks Artisanne, you are right --- this poem is certainly more effective after removing those lines.
Re: DELETIONS
November 21, 2009 by wannabepoet
i noticed that one of the poems called "another composition" by mcubus is missing from the poetry feedback section, wonder what happened.
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 21, 2009 by wannabepoet
Thanks, thanks, thanks:) I feel as if I have a kind of a real deadline now, so I will sort out all the stuff I have written so far and organize it into a few chapters, so that I can come to the workshop in 2-3 months.
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 20, 2009 by wannabepoet
Thanks Musicboy, that is an excellent idea, but I am thinking when I come for the workshop I will tell you I am wannabe and also my name. I am not ashamed of my sappy poems, I never wrote sappy poems even as a teenager, or when I was younger, so better late than never. They are the expression of my heart. Well, I give you my word I will show up within next 2-3 months --- with at least 2 or 3 chapters of my book and hopefully you all will be interested in reading them. My only concern is how will I deal with my awkwardness, that will be tricky, I just hope I don’t make a fool of myself. In the mean time, please, all of you, continue to be my forum friends, and don’t ever boycott me, I really like being part of this forum and would really like to be part of the workshop, so please tolerate my ridiculousness, and I will come.
Re: New Dawn
November 20, 2009 by wannabepoet
I really like this picture, it is growing on me, it is like a view from a wet glass window or windshield on a rainy day. Almost an impressionist painting like some blurred memory of a scene.
the new picture in ur avatar --- so this is how your living room looks like --- it has a big fireplace --- wonder if your living room is a reflection of you...
no definition
November 20, 2009 by wannabepoet
I am not brown, black or white
To define anyone by a color is an outdated slight.
No one can place my case by any race,
For I just belong to the human race,
And I have a human identity and a human face.
5000 years of sun has given me this hue,
Anyway, one day it will again merge in the mud,
But underneath this coat flows a red blood,
Just like all the people who flood
This planet earth.
None of us can be pigeonholed,
Or have a fixed definition,
We all have our dreams and dreamy visions.
Re: Parade
November 19, 2009 by wannabepoet
Nice poem! Last line is pretty interesting; short but speaks volumes.
On the whole is the poem about not wanting to sway to someone else’s tune, about keeping one’s autonomy? But total independence, freedom and autonomy come with a price, like all things do in life, don't they??? There never was a perfect world.
Or is the poem complaining about lack of control in general. For isn’t all the working of this world and us in the hands of an unknown power --- sophisticated minds refer it to as ‘universe’ and others call it ‘God’. It’s not all free will, people are not in control, and some people realize this sooner some later. I guess people who learn this later are the luckier ones for they at least have the good fortune of living in the illusion of being in control of their lives, but only for a while --- for it is all maya --- it is not real.
not glib…
November 18, 2009 by wannabepoet
The sun and the clouds see it,
Even the tube-lights.
The air around feels it,
The blue-black of the ocean floor surely knows it.
My sense of humor tries to mask it,
Yes, it’s true,
My heartache is true.
Re: Flower Street
November 18, 2009 by wannabepoet
Bougainvillea are very popular where i originally come from.
Re: New Dawn
November 18, 2009 by wannabepoet
i recognize this one, wasn't this the picture in your avatar for a while? seems to have water colory effect.
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 18, 2009 by wannabepoet
This is just a rant and is supposed to be funny: I know I am giving myself too much importance --- literally making a mountain out of a molehill, but one thing is clear that after I come to the workshop my career as a sappy poem writer will be over. I guess that will be good because then perhaps I will focus my grey cells towards writing poems pertaining to the steely and logical intellect rather than irrational and painful emotions. My other fear is that this whole mystique of wannabepoet will disappear the moment you all will see me in person and the second I will open my mouth, and that will be rather sad thing for me to see ---the acute disappointment written all over your faces. Ah, I know I am getting carried away in my imagination. And since you all have read my sappy poems and then you will see me in person, and then you might all snigger at me silently, then how will I live??? Oh, I just can’t bear the thought of being such a disappointment, so I got to, it’s a must --- sine qua non (I am showing off, I am not sure what it means) that I doggedly persist in finishing what I am endeavoring (the often mentioned book) before I let my nonentity self be known by you all. And then in the corridors of my mind I imagine my triumphant walk to the workshop with the few chapters of my manuscript in a folder, and barging in the room like one of the musketeers and grandly announcing --- I am wannabepoet, please read and critique my book ---- ha, ha, ha! :)
Re: Bird on Pole
November 17, 2009 by wannabepoet
yes, it is great to have old friendships, especially one with shared interests, because so many times priorities change as one grows older. ah, to be able to reminisce about old days, all the goofy and not so silly things one did as kids! btw, nice art work.
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 17, 2009 by wannabepoet
Hi Musicboy and Chicory, thanks very much! I will try to keep my word and turn up one day. Does this give you a feeling of déjà vu, I know I have said this before but I gain nothing by pretending an interest in the poetry workshop, but right now I just don’t have the confidence. I know it is just a poetry workshop and I shouldn't be making such a song and dance about it, but I wonder if you will understand that to go to an unknown place (even if it is just a poetry workshop) one needs confidence and nerve, which automatically comes with a sense of accomplishment, which currently I don’t possess, as at the moment I am just a paper tiger. So, I need a little time to finish the first draft of my book and I will come by at the workshop. And I don’t care if the book is a disappointment because I will just be pleased with the fact that I have at least written a book. I hope I will be forgiven for being such a donkey, such a mule.
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 16, 2009 by wannabepoet
I meant just poetry workshops, as you can see i am still mulling over this. well, i need to prove myself first and then i will show up, because i would very much like to, but i am just a very awkward person. the thing is that i often feel sheepish, maybe because i am relatively a new poet. i have written a poem about this and i will post it here one of these days.
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 15, 2009 by wannabepoet
not just this particular workshop but all the workshops at Shirlington library, i surely want to attend, but as i said i am too embarrassed, maybe i will have to disguise myself :)
Re: POETRY WORKSHOP MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23RD @ 6:30 PM
November 15, 2009 by wannabepoet
i really do want come for this workshop, but i am too embarrassed. After all my idiotic writing i don't know how to show up. That's why i need to finish my book first, to show besides stupidity i also possess some grey cells :)
Re: RIOT in the poetry scene
November 15, 2009 by wannabepoet
I like this poetry riot, i hope establishment never tries to quell it :)
